Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
