The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
