I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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