I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
