hotel room ftw
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
