You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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