Your mouth is God's brothel.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
