I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
