Apparently you make a good broom.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
