Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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