I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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