Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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