Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
