wat bout pragnant strippers??
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
