Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
