i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
