I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
