I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
