Me too!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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