Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
