Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
