I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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