i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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