she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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