id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
