So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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