When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
