Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
whose parrot is this?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
