Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
