This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
