I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
