We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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