I just cut my nipple shaving
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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