3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this boner is exhausting
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
