Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
