You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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