The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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