I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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