I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
