I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Houston, we have a squirter
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
