Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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