That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
