I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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