i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
