Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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