I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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