Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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