Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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