so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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