Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
