After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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