So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
