are you still at the devil's house?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
