butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
