Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
