Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
