Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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