she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
