i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
