I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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