yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
