WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
