you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
